By Bruce J. Stewart

I believe that compassion is an indisputable super power. I believe compassion inspires and restores a person’s soul, especially students when they make mistakes. And, I believe compassion brings greater joy to all of us in our vocation.

In 1960, I was a first grade student in a Catholic school.  We were taught by Dominican nuns, whose lack of teaching experience was bolstered by their strict discipline policy, and their allegiance to the paddle. 

Boys, much more so than girls, made the walk to the principal’s office to retrieve the wooden instrument. The paddling occurred at the front of the classroom.  49 students witnessed the punishment.  With 50 students in each classroom, the wooden paddle was their “go to” tool to maintain order.

Was the physical pain of the paddling worse than feeling the shame it induced? 

The negative effects of shame on the emotional growth of a child and young adult are no longer a secret. Today, we know what the educational theorists and psychologists have asserted for a long time — student learning and emotional growth are optimized in a safe and secure environment. 

The intentional shaming of students is prevalent within numerous schools across our country.  Corporal punishment – striking students with a wooden paddle or a belt is legal in 16 states.

We must banish punishment and shame as the consequence for student mistakes and disciplinary action.

I share with you the following anecdote of one of the most influential teachers in my life.  Her name is Miss Dixi, a professor in the Teacher Education Program at Sierra Nevada College. Miss Dixi radiated warmth. Her smile was like a neon sign that said “Welcome Y’all.”  Yes, Miss Dixi was from Texas and her heart was bigger than her homeland. 

Like all great teachers, she allowed her students to do all the talking. One memory stands out amongst many. All of us sat in a circle, holding a lighted candle. The soft light of the candles filled the room. Gentle music warmed the room.  Then Miss Dixi said, “I want each of you to reflect on a moment when one of your teachers connected with you and touched your soul.”  We sat in silence for several moments. Then one by one we shared our story with the group.

Following a pause, Miss Dixi said, “observe the flame, its glimmer. Each flame is unique. It’s so easy to see. Beautiful to view. All candles shine differently.” She paused again, then said, “The children you will be teaching are just like the flame. A unique spirit. A flame like no other.  Always allow each student to distinguish them self.  Never extinguish their joy for learning.” 

Miss Dixi skillfully shared her teaching expertise and wisdom; but most importantly she filled our hearts to teach and to touch each child’s soul with empathy and compassion.

A common bit of advice for a first year teacher is to avoid the teacher’s lounge during your first year.  There you will find the naysayers, the teachers commiserating about the “if only students.”  “If only that student was not in my class, then I could really teach.” 

“That” student is Malcolm, an 8-year old boy being raised by a single mother.  Malcolm was abused and abandoned, neglected and traumatized. The pain he feels is called Adverse Childhood Experiences, known as ACEs.  Malcolm has frequent meltdowns. Emotional failures. Does Malcolm deserve the shame from his unwitting teacher when she asks him “how come you are always crying?”  Or, does Malcolm need empathy and compassion.

“That” student is Justin, a 13-year old boy raised by his grandmother.  His mother lives in prison.  It was a drug deal gone really bad. Justin’s defiance and anger is fueled by the incarceration of his mother. She will live in prison for 25 years for killing her drug dealer. Does Justin deserve punishment or empathy?  Defiance brings punishment. More punishment brings more defiance.

“That” student is Patty, a 14-year old young woman.  Patty was abandoned by her single mother.  Patty’s home life has been a series of foster homes. She is without the care of grandparents, aunts, or uncles. Her verbal outbursts which protect her fragile emotions are often met with detention or suspension.  However, Patty’s grit, years in the making, fuels her resilience.  Patty is a survivor of school discipline. But other young women are beaten at home, bruised at school, with nowhere to go.

Parker Palmer in his book, The Courage to Teach, tells us, “when the Student from Hell ceases to be relevant to me, my life becomes less relevant to the world.” Malcolm, Justin, and Patty are only 3 of the many students who suffered shame and punishment. I know these three students personally. They taught me the power of empathy, of compassion.  They were labeled that “student from hell,” yet I believe all students are heaven sent. Fortunately, each of them found solace from a few teachers who touched their souls.

I’ve heard teachers tell me, “You’re talking about Restorative Practices but students need punishment. Otherwise, they will believe they got away with their bad behavior.”  And, teachers have told me, “But Mr. Stewart I can’t get too close to my students because I won’t be able to punish them when they violate the policies.”  I understand the difficulty of classroom management. I understand the negative influence of social media. I understand the challenge of being a parent to the parents of your students.  

Our responsibility to teach, to influence, to love our students is greater than ever before. Yet, I believe your vocation as a teacher will be met with greater joy and fulfillment. It’s no secret that our schools are looking like prisons. We must seek a mirror and ask, what can I do?  First, we must authorize and emphasize both empathy and compassion for all students. Punishment diminishes humanity. Empathy educates and informs therapeutic action. 

We must always fill each student’s heart with understanding, with respect, and with dignity, even when students make mistakes. Our students will make bad choices they regret. And when they do, empathy followed by compassion become our super powers. Compassion leads to restoration as students learn how to make amends for their mistakes. Compassion leads students to experience a renewal of spirit through the power of unconditional love. 

Fr. Greg Boyle, a Jesuit priest, testifies in his book, “Tattoos on the Heart, The Power of Boundless Compassion,” how he ministered to former gang members in “murderous neighborhoods” of Los Angeles. “Boundless compassion” changed their lives and revitalized the good within their souls. Fr. Boyle writes, “Compassion is always, at its most authentic, about a shift from the cramped world of self-preoccupation into a more expansive place of fellowship, of true kinship.”

Let’s move forward to eliminate self-preoccupation in our school culture to make room for this expansive place of fellowship, of true kinship.

Compassion lights the candle, keeping all souls shining bright.

References

Boyle, G. Tattoos on the Heart, The Power of Boundless Compassion. New York, NY; Free Press, 2010.

Palmer, P. The Courage to Teach. San Francisco, CA; Jossey-Bass, 1998.