The Law of Giving

By Bruce J. Stewart

“The universe operates through dynamic exchange . . .  giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow of energy in the universe.  And in our willingness to give that which we seek, we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.” – Deepak Chopra, Author, Philosopher, Speaker

Have you allowed a student to frustrate you – to rent space in your head?  When was the last time you invested a significant amount of time and energy into preparing and delivering a lesson only to have some students show apathy, disrespect, or belligerence?  This situation has happened to every teacher.  Our first thought is usually, “that student is so ungrateful, and so entitled.”  Or, we might personalize our thoughts by saying, “well if that was my child, you can bet that he would never do such a thing.”

If this has happened to you, ask yourself the following questions:

• “Did I remain in the present moment during the entire lesson I was teaching?”
• “Have I learned how to detach myself from the outcome of a lesson?”
• “Did I demonstrate respect and kindness with all students?”
• “Do I hold a grudge with some students when they are disrespectful?”

Here’s some advice that really helped me.  It’s very likely you have learned the axiom, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.”  I planned lessons meticulously to be certain that I could keep my students highly engaged for the duration of the class period.  However, I learned very quickly that I must also prepare my mind – to establish the best mindset prior to beginning each day and each lesson.  By consciously repeating affirmations to myself, I was able to shift my perspective.  My “mindset” preparation became as important as my methods, strategies, and a focus on critical thinking.  I utilized the following self-affirmations:

• I will practice the Law of Giving this day – I will share joy with all students today.  In return, I can be certain that many students will reciprocate and share their joy with me.” 
• I will stay in the present so that I can be as attentive as possible to all students.
• I will share a smile freely with my students today, so that they can reflect my enthusiasm for learning.
• I will detach myself from the outcome of today’s lessons.  Being detached from the outcome means that I will freely accept the present moment for what it is.  If a student is having a “bad” day, I will maintain my kindness and know that their struggle is an opportunity for growth.

Being detached from the outcome does not mean that you do not have specific objectives for each lesson.  It means that you will allow your positive energy to flow freely during the course of the lesson.  At the conclusion of the lesson or better yet, during your quiet time, pause to reflect on each student’s social, emotional, and academic growth.  The Law of Giving kindness, attention, and encouragement will always work in your favor. 

Mindset, Character, and Restorative Discipline

By Bruce J. Stewart

 “Character – the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life – is the source from which self-respect springs.” –Joan Didion , American author

The dictionary defines mindset as: “the established set of attitudes held by someone.”  A “restorative” mindset is in harmony with all of the best qualities of a teacher, an educator, and all people of integrity and character whose purpose-filled life is defined by serving others.

On the other hand, a punitive approach to student discipline is in conflict to the intended outcomes.  Separate and competing mindsets cannot coexist without conflict and will undermine the intended outcomes that Coach John Wooden, a master teacher, implores teachers to “bring out” — confidence, poise, imagination, initiative, tolerance, humility, love, cheerfulness, faith, enthusiasm, courage, honesty, serenity.

How do you bring value to your classroom?  A restorative mindset celebrates and complements all of the qualities that make you an excellent teacher.  When you bring your qualities of love, imagination, honesty, and enthusiasm to the classroom, your students learn, and your value increases.  All forms of growth — emotional, social, and academic are the result of what we focus on and which are practiced often.  A restorative mindset believes that a person attracts success through positive thoughts, action, and habits.  Ideas can be life changing.  When we use our imagination, excuses and blame disappears.  As a leader, your actions are the result of your own beliefs nurtured by confidence and courage.

However, be prepared to face criticism.  In particular, your colleagues may not agree with the Restorative Discipline philosophy.  Your values may be questioned, including the good that is a result of your teaching.  Expect that your methods will be attacked as well, especially when using student behavior infractions as learning opportunities.  Your courage and leadership will ultimately inspire and teach your students. The social and emotional growth evident in your students will be the best testament to your methods inspired by your mindset.

Mutual trust between teacher and students has amazing power.  Trust has the potential to change the trajectory in the life of a student who learns responsibility. Responsibility leads to maturity.   Therefore, when students accept full responsibility for their actions and behavior, they accept the logical consequences of poor choices.  This includes making amends and restitution when they have harmed another person or have adversely affected the community to which they belong.  When students learn the power of restitution they grow with empathy and compassion. 

Simply stated, “Restorative Discipline helps build character.”

The author, Dean Sims, in his book, “A Clear View to the Lake,” writes, “There is no correlation between character and material success but there is an absolute and unshakeable correlation between character and self-respect.  And from self-respect grows an inevitable harmony in human relations, confidence, resilience, perseverance, optimism and ultimately contentment.”

Let’s teach our students to experience self-respect through a mindset inspired by hope, optimism, and an unfailing commitment of service to others.

What Restorative Discipline is Not

• It is NOT a “canned program.”
• It is NOT meant to replace what you are currently doing.
• It WILL NOT be forgotten.  (Because it is in harmony with the human spirit.)
• It DOES NOT come bound in a 3-ring binder which will then sit on a shelf in the faculty lounge. (But your Restorative Discipline Resource Handbook WILL BE in high demand.)
• It DOES NOT require that the entire school adopt this mindset, although that is HIGHLY DESIRABLE.

“Why Do We Have to Learn This?”

By Bruce J. Stewart

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” –Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931). Lebanese American artist, poet and writer.

“Mr. Stewart, why do we have to learn this?”

How many times have you heard a student ask this question?  Do you respond to this question with sincerity, along with a compelling reason?

The Restorative Discipline mindset is about creating an environment of trust and respect.  Nurturing trust and respect in the classroom begins with establishing a true sense of belonging for all students.   Parker J. Palmer, in his book, The Courage to Teach, defines a sense of belonging as hospitality; and describes it further as “hospitality in the classroom requires not only that we treat our students with civility and compassion but also that we invite our students and their insights into the conversation.  The good host is not merely polite to the guest – the good host assumes that the guest has stories to tell.” 

Students need and deserve a true sense of belonging in the classroom.  As a host, it was my responsibility to allow each student a voice in the classroom. Being a good host certainly went against a popular adage still prevalent among some teachers that you should never smile before the Christmas vacation.  I found that advice peculiar, because I always stood at the door prior to each period and welcomed each student to class by name along with a smile.

I began each school year by telling my students how important they were and how important my responsibility was as their teacher.  I explained to my students that I would always, each and every day, do the best job I could as a teacher.  My enthusiasm for teaching was genuine and a smile was certainly the best method for each student to feel a true sense of belonging. 

As a good teacher-host, I needed to demonstrate that each student was welcome and comfortable, and that everyone had essential ideas to share with the class.  By doing this, I could earn their respect.  Only after establishing this positive environment, could I could then motivate my students through a curriculum that emphasized the following:

• Relevance of material – relevant to the lives of students and their world, especially students from low socio-economic families.

• An expectation of quality work.

• Choices for students — to create a sense of ownership.

• An emphasis on critical thinking.

• Engagement through Socratic Dialogue – asking students to share their opinions, learning, and experiences through dialogue and writing.

By establishing a personal expectation that it was imperative to earn the respect of all students, allowed me to “sell” my curriculum and my daily lessons with enthusiasm and honesty.  I welcomed the question “why do we have to learn this?”  Students, like adult learners, can be quite skeptical, as they should be, if they are to become critical thinkers.  Therefore, the “why” questions were always taken seriously.  I responded with sincerity; never with sarcasm.  The students trusted my sincerity and these questions diminished.  Their engagement shifted from reluctance to a subtle eagerness. 

A Restorative Discipline mindset compels us to approach each day with openness, kindness, and the highest level of preparation. This mindset inspired me to teach to the best of my ability — then and only then, could I expect the same of my students.